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You’ve just been given a yacht- what do you name it, and why?

Umm…well, whenever I name things, I strongly believe that you don’t actually name it- it tells you its name. So, all the instruments I’ve ever had, I believe you have to spend time with an instrument before it tells you its name. You have to get to know it, and then it tells you its name finally. Sometimes it takes months, sometimes it takes years, depending on how mysterious the instrument is.

So you’d have to form a relationship with the yacht?

Yeah, and that’s kind of what I do with my cacti- I observe them and get to know them.

What are their names?

I have a really fat one, its name is Theodore. I had one with a South African name, but I think she died.

How did you find your way into Agape?

It was kind of a weird roundabout way- I went to Intervarsity at U Chicago, and then I knew Intervarsity was all over so I looked up Loyola to see if we had an Intervarsity, and I saw Taylor Norris’ name. I went to her and was like “hey, why don’t we have Intervarsity at Loyola anymore?” and then she told me about how she worked for Agape and I started going there.

What draws you to these people?

I think it’s just the really amazing community that we have- people are really vulnerable and honest and I think just being able to be honest and real with people does a lot of healing. That’s what brings them back constantly- just being able to know that they can be struggling or doing really well or questioning their faith, or any stage of their journey with God. I think being able to be honest about how you’re doing with God is what allows you to progress, and I think that’s what Agape does really well.

Why are you a Christian?

I am a Christian, not because it’s easy- I was raised Christian but I didn’t really commit to Christianity or God until later in my life and I think I’m still a Christian today because I’ve been in a lot of situations in my life where I’ve been in a lot of dark places and scary situations that were really empty, and I think the only thing that was able to pull me out of those places was the hope and the life that God had to offer. In those moments when you’re so low, when everything is stripped away, nothing really matters- the hope of the world doesn’t matter. The things that used to make you excited, the people, none of it matters anymore and everything seems extremely meaningless. The only thing that ever brought me out of those places was God and knowing who he is and the hope he had to offer. After witnessing those things, it’s hard to deny that he’s real and the most fulfilling thing in life. I’ve committed my life to him, and I think it’s the best decision I’ve made.

What draws you to Jesus?

I think the biggest thing about Jesus’ character that draws me to him is that he’s totally radical and passionate about everything he does- he doesn’t do anything half-heartedly. I think I can relate to that because in my own life, I always have to do everything to the extreme. If I’m a Christian, I’m going to do it in the most way, or if I’m passionate about art, I’m going to do it in the most extreme way. But also that means that if I’m struggling or partying a lot, I’m going to do it to the most extreme and I think I do that because when I experience something, I want to experience it to the fullest- all the way, full out. So, it’s really hard because sometimes I’m at this extreme place in my faith, and a month later I’m in this extreme rut, and it’s really hard for me to control that. It’s really nice to know that Jesus is like that, but he’s always extreme with God and his faith, and it’s nice to know that he’s not doing it half-heartedly and he wants you to experience it too. Also, what’s always drawn me to jesus is that he doesn’t make a ton of sense. When I tell people about Jesus through evangelizing, its always like his love for us makes no sense. There’s no reason for him to chase after us and love us, but he does and I really like that. I really like that my faith doesn’t completely make sense- I don’t want it to. It should be weird and mysterious and unreasonable, and I really like that.

What feeds your soul- what sorts of things make you come alive?

I think two things- first, whenever I hang out in good community, especially in our house, whenever we have a good bible study, I think that really feeds my soul. It’s a good depiction of the Kingdom, I think, I remember, “oh this is what we’re living for.” I think this is what good community is for, so that we can see what it’s supposed to be like when we live fully in Christ and being loved by others even in your worst moments.

Also, I think spending time with God alone. That’s really changed for me over the years- I’ve learned that it doesn’t have to be what everyone says it should be. You don’t have to sit down and read devotionals and pray for thirty minutes. It’s different for everyone, and that’s really helped me in forming my own time alone with God and how I like to do it. Sometimes I like to read a lot of poetry, or just read a lot of theology and it really helps me connect to God.

If you could tell the readers of this blog, “Go listen to one person, hear what they have to say,” who would it be?

I would say for a non-Christian, Sylvia Plath, because she writes really raw and depicts the emptiness of life without God very well, and she doesn’t even know God and I think that says more, because she’s just writing about her personal life. But, whenever I read her book The Bell Jar, I remember thinking “this is exactly how I feel when I feel really far from God, just so empty and no hope, absolutely. I would also recommend Tim Keller because he’s my favorite theologian. He always brings it back to the Gospel and always talks about the Gospel- that’s the whole point of everything, which he does really well. All of his books are really good, but The Meaning of Marriage changed my life just because he talks about the reason for relationships and brings the Gospel into that- how the Gospel speaks to our relationships with our friends and our family and our significant other. It’s just really beautiful and really brings into perspective how selfish you are and how the bonds you have are meant to change your life- you’re meant to keep growing and changing.

Any parting words of wisdom?

I think what I’ve learned in college is there is always time to do things. You always feel like college is these four years to have all these experiences, make all these friends, but what I’ve realized is that the most fulfilling thing and the most important thing is how you live for God in college and to step up to that calling he has for you. I think I’ve really experienced that in our events, when we do evangelism or when we hand out hot dogs- its like “this isn’t really helping me” but this is so important. When I look back on college, this is what I’m gonna think is really great. I would just say “step up to God’s calling and what he’s doing and be available for that and form relationships in Agape and invest in those things.”

As Christmas break approached and I started saying, “see you in a month,” to people, I was struck with an all too familiar feeling of anxiety. I knew where this anxiety was coming from. It was coming from the knowledge that for roughly four weeks I would be away from my community, or as my heart has come to know them, the people who push me, teach me, learn from me, pray with me, sing with me, love me, and walk beside me as I walk beside Jesus. My anxiety was the anticipation of what was sure to be loneliness. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels pang of nervousness when stepping away from the people you count on, even if it’s just for a few weeks, but in those first few days of the loneliness of Christmas break I did not reach out to anyone in our community. Actually, I still haven’t reached out, because I have three months worth of experience in isolation under my belt that I’m thankfully aware of how to combat.

If you’ve talked to me for more than five minutes in the last three months, you know that I spent my summer in China, and it was one of the most difficult experiences of my existence (so far). It was difficult simply because I made the decision to go by myself, was therefore the only American there for the majority of the time, and I had no one to talk to. I spent three months being able to truly communicate with two people at the most (lots of people spoke English, but the language barrier was significantly larger than you’d probably expect), and I kept in contact with very few people in the states (time differences are the worst). For three months I lived inside my head, and even though I’m quite the introvert (so I spend most of my time in my head anyways) it was excruciating and exhausting. Oh, and do you want to know how many Christians I met there? One. And I met her on a day trip to another city, so I only got to spend a few hours talking to her. And do you know how many people wanted to hear/talk about God, or anything deep for that matter? Zero. I was plucked from a warm, caring, loving community, and placed in what felt like a cold, spiritually dry, lonely place. For the fist few weeks I dreaded going to work where no on would talk to me, and I equally dreaded coming back to my apartment where I was completely alone, and there was no one to talk to. One especially painfully lonely night (I remember it very clearly and I have my journal to aid my memory), I was reading my Bible and I came across Isaiah 42:16:

“And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.”

I felt God speak to me in that moment through His own words. I was very much, in a way, blindly living in China, but God guided me. I felt God changing my darkness to light. Not once did I feel forsaken by Him. He brought me there, I now believe, to be alone with him; or even to learn how to love him and know him in loneliness, and know that I’m never alone no matter how or what I feel. I would go as far as to say that my relationship with God would not have the kind of muscles it has now if I hadn’t gone to China by myself. My mornings were spent with God, my breaks at work were spent with God, and my evenings were spent with God. He was the only company I had in China (minus some FaceTimes, shout out to Blythe and Al). The only thing that made me sad about God being my only company was that it took me that long to realize the kind of company He is: comfort, peace, joy. I knew that God is supposed to be all these things from what I’ve read in the Bible, but I didn’t know for myself what it was like to experience all of them. For the first time I felt strong and able, not because I had a community supporting me (even though I know you all were), but because I was finally turning to God for support. I was finally turning to Him and His Word for all the things I needed. I wouldn’t know what it meant to truly rely on Him if he hadn’t so lovingly isolated me.

This is a tale to tell because I don’t think, I know that there is eternal value in being away from your community if you steward that time well. Read and memorize scripture in your solitude, pray and pray and pray in your solitude, listen in your solitude, fast in your solitude, and praise in your solitude. The strength backing up my relationship with God was built in doing all of those things alone with God. Jesus time and time again retreated to quiet places to be alone with God and pray to his father; he also studied and memorized scripture and gives us an example of why that is so important in Matthew 4:1-11 (give it a look). If Jesus is the one we’re choosing to follow, these too have to be examples we all mimic. So I’m going to challenge everyone in our community for the rest of break be diligent in reading/memorizing scripture, be diligent in praying, be diligent in listening, be diligent in fasting, be diligent in praise, be diligent in spending time alone with our God.  Yes, we were created for companionship with one another, but we were created for companionship with God first. This is the reason that even as I sit at home in an empty house over Christmas break with no one to read scripture with, pray with, or sing with, I’m going to do them anyways and know that loneliness is not the reality, because God is with me. We’re all in the same boat being away from community right now, and for some of you that’s going to mean taking time off from praying, reading the Bible, spending time with God, etc., but I want to encourage you to do the opposite of that. Don’t take time off from those things, but add time to those things every day, and watch your head and heart knowledge of God grow.

Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek me and find me if you seek with all your heart.”

Amy, who would win in a fight between Rudolph and Frosty?

Umm…I’d say Rudolph- that’s a ridiculous question. It’s obvious, he’s a freaking reindeer. He could just like, kick Frosty’s snowball head off. I feel like that’s obvious.

That’s pretty violent, but also obvious.

Or… I mean, he has so many options. Take him near fire: dead. Kick off his head: dead. Wait a few months: its springtime now. Dead.

So, how did you come to this community?

That’s not an interesting story…I should just make something up. No, I’m pretty sure it was the same as everyone else: went to the org fair. I was looking for a Christian group to join, and then I saw Agape. They had candy; Whitney was there. I came on Wednesday nights and they were nice. The end.

What draws you into the community?

I think two things: one, you can really sense that the Holy Spirit is present and active among us, and two, we’re really good at caring for each other.

So, why are you a Christian?

Um, I don’t know- I think in like the most basic and logical sense, because I think it’s a reality- God is a reality. Following him is a natural reaction to realizing that. Also, I’m a Christian because God is faithful, so I think he’s great and I try to listen to him.

You answered a bit of this, but what draws you to Jesus?

I guess I hear a lot of people saying “oh, he’s a nice guy.” But actually, when I read the Gospels, Jesus says a lot of terrifying crap. So I think the real reason that I’m drawn to Jesus is because I have such a deeply ingrained sense that I am a million miles away from God. And Christ being the embodiment of God and the exact imprint of his nature and a mediator between me and God is absolutely essential for me. So, just the fact that I have a mediator and advocate before God, but it is God, and it’s Christ … it’s pretty wonderful.

What gives you hope?

I guess I just think of the Kingdom of God, and what the Kingdom of God is like. Not in a way of “this is what you ought to be like, or this how you ought to live.” But, it’s like when you feel as though you’re trapped in darkness, and then you realize there is no darkness in the Kingdom of God. The values of the Kingdom: life, light, joy, love, all those things are comforting. To think that these are the values of the God we worship, that these are the things he enjoys and wants … and to think that those realities are present in our life right now in some form, and they’ll be present in an even fuller reality later – that gives me hope. Also, it gives me hope when people embody that around me.

Okay, so recommend a thinker, author, pastor, prophet, provocateur; someone people should read more or listen to more or think about more.

My favorite for a long time was A.W. Tozer. I think he has a lot to say to the church today, and he lived in a way that reflected it, too. He and his wife never owned a car, and they gave away a ton of their proceeds away to people who needed it. Also, Rich Mullins.

Yeah? Why do you say Rich Mullins (Christian Musician/Ragamuffin/Prophet. see below) ?

I think he was the first person I ever recognized to embody the values of the gospel in the greater Evangelical universe of leaders – who do a lot of preaching and teaching – he was the first person I recognized who really embodied the Gospel.

Any parting words?

I should have thought of something clever. But I didn’t. I guess, just take heart. The things that are true about Christianity and Jesus and who God is are true on the good days, and on the really awful days.

As an aside, Rich Mullins is a genius. If you have the time, check out this clip.

Hello there kids, and welcome to a special (post)Thanksgiving edition of “Talk Into the Phone” with our special guest- that most Hogwartsian of seniors, the one and only Abbi Carlson.

What is your spirit thanksgiving food?

Why didn’t you let me prepare this?! I would say green bean casserole because it’s simultaneously healthy, because vegetables, but also saturated with good flavor. It’s got substance, but also a little interesting, enjoyable.

How did you find Agape?

I went to the org fair and I signed up on an email list, and I took a post card. I got home with a pile of post cards from the all the tables, and a few days later, after the org fair, I put them all on a calendar, like, which ones were which, where did I want to go, because it was a little overwhelming. So, I tried out lots of different clubs, but I liked Agape and Ecclesia because of the twice a week thing, and I really felt like I got to know people there, and it wasn’t like I was just there and then I left. All the frequent events sort of drew me in.

So, you sort of began to answer this, but what draws you into this community?

I feel like a lot of the people here genuinely care about each other, and not just like “oh, we gotta keep our numbers good,” but like, I go there and people are excited to see me and see other people and catch up on your lives and pray for each other, so the connection there.

Why are you a Christian?

Um…I’ll skip the “how I became a Christian” and go into “why am I still a Christian.” I guess I would say that I am confident that God is with me always, and that’s a comfort in the stress of life, that I know that I’m not doing this alone. A more powerful and “forever” thing, beyond everything else in this life is that I’ve got God on my side.

What draws you to Jesus?

His presence and comfort in parts of my life is definitely what brought me into a personal relationship with him.

So, what about his story sort of captures your imagination?

I liked that Jesus was kind of a rebel; he was in that “social justice” thing, not just following authority, but he cared about the poor. He loved people regardless of what they had done. I love that he talked back to all the priests and whatever, and spoke up for God’s heart for everybody and not just the law and strictness of the culture.

What feeds your soul- what sorts of things give you life?

I think I’m passionate about a lot of things- earlier this semester one of my nursing professors asked us what we were passionate about for our community teaching project, and I just had so many things. And some of them applied to nursing and public health things, and some applied to community and Christian things. I really love helping people be themselves, and so with the community at Ecclesia, and leading people into worship is life-giving to me. Also, running the Nerdfighter things, and helping people find other nerds that aren’t going to judge them about being excited about science or whatever, so in that form, I’m filled up by seeing people in their own element.

What book would you recommend?

I’d say Harry Potter, even though I’m sure that a lot of people in our community have already read it. But the more I’ve reread it, the more I believe it’s such a great book. Like from a literary standpoint and what John Granger talked about- kind of sneaking the spiritual significance of the faith journey and all this stuff into pop culture. People are really hungry for that spiritual stuff, but they are resistant. Sort of like the Narnia books.

Any final words?

I think just remember to be grateful, because there is so much to be grateful for in our lives.

You could even say they should be thankful.

It’s a little cheesy- I was trying to be a little more subtle, but I genuinely believe that our families, our roommates, our community, our education- a lot of people in the world don’t get that.

What are you thankful for?

This year I’m really thankful for my family, and I’m really glad I stayed close enough to go home and see them. I get late night catch-up sessions with my parents when I go home for work, and I can tell they support me and are proud of me. Also, I got to see a lot of my extended family last week for our birthday tradition, which was lovely.

And stuffing, I’m thankful for stuffing.

Friends! This is a good week BECAUSE there’s only one more week until Thanksgiving break, so be merry, spend time with friends, rest, and whatever you do don’t stress about school, work, friends, or family.

A big hello to my dear friends who’ve stumbled on to this little corner of the internet from all spaces cyber. What follows is the beginning of a project- an attempt to learn a bit more about the wonderful human beings who would identify as “4th year” or “senior.” I had the chance to sit down on the world’s comfiest couch and chat with the Colossus of Clout, himself: Derek Ferguson.

Derek, if you could be a cartoon character from a cereal box, who would you be and why?

I suppose my options are somewhat limited based on the small amounts of cereal I had as a kid. I don’t know, would Looney Tunes characters have been on a cereal box? I don’t know.

What kind of cereal did you eat?

Not ones with cartoon characters.

What was on the box?

Serving suggestions. Yeah, I’d probably be one of those little rasberries they had in the corner; we couldn’t afford to buy them- we could only look at them.

So, how did you end up with Agape and Ecclesia?

Uh, let’s see, when I got here to Loyola, my youth pastor had given me a strong suggestion that I should join a Christian community, so I was on the lookout. I went to the org fair as any good freshman might, and Mike actually spotted me, Mike Moore, and I would have spotted them eventually, but the fact that he found me first was even more of an indicator that that’s where I should be so I showed up to their first meeting, and I’ve never missed one since.

What would you say draws you into this community?

First of all, I guess I should say the immense variation, and I know there are a lot of similarities, but compared to where I’ve come from, Chicago and this school are truly diverse in their makeup of people. Just having people from so many different denominations and really not having that matter so much in the grand scheme of things says a lot in itself. And, sort of, to not throw our traditions to the wayside, but use them so that they add up to a greater whole. The second thing, I would just say, is, if you want to call it an aura, of integrity and by integrity I mean the actual willingness to be real and help and serve, despite the fact that often times we have other things going on, and we all are students and have our jobs to do, but the willingness consistently be a body and be more than a club, honestly, to be a church. And that takes a lot of commitment personally, but more than that, it means that the Trinity is a community, and that’s the most important thing.

Why are you a Christian?

I was raised sort of non-denominational, I was raised Christian since my conception, you could say. So that’s why- that’s why I started, of course I’ve grown a lot since my conception, and over the years I’ve been clued in on new things about the faith and new reasons for being a Christian, even though I already was one. It’s a deeper understanding. A wise person once said that love itself is a kind of knowledge, so when you truly know something, you love it more and more.

What gives you hope?

hope…hope…hope. Well, I guess the easy answer is the Holy Spirit or God, but really it’s more than that because God just isn’t something that sits on your shoulder and gives you encouraging little phrases. It’s through the things I’ve seen, and that sort of thing can only come from experience, but ever since I was 10 or 11, I’ve seen these things- it goes back to what I just talked about, about knowing more about my faith. It’s knowing more about what God does through action- not many of us have seen the red sea parted or water turned into wine, but we do see things, and the more you see the more you know, and the more you know the more you realize that God is actually everywhere, and he is hope in its purest form. So I try not to cling to things, I try to look to him and what he’s doing in the community- if I’ve had a hard week or a hard day I go and I see people who are having hard weeks and hard days, but they are sharing glorious things that God has done in their lives, and you know, that’s hope. It’s not inspirational, or nuance- it’s something concrete. God built a world that is real and where things move and have action, and he’s a big part of that. It takes time and it takes a lot of experience to be able to see those things- especially the small ones, but once you do, then you really don’t need an external source of hope; you see God’s work through you and other people, and that’s your source of strength.

What draws you to Jesus?

First of all, I guess I would say: I don’t move toward Jesus, Jesus came to me, so he draws to me. So, the whole thing is being open to that. Jesus is… a tricky person to describe. It’s tricky to sort of describe why you’d be drawn to him, or why he’d be drawn to you. But there’s just something about God and man being one that makes you go to class in the morning and feel like “oh, Jesus is here- Jesus knows, Jesus learned things, Jesus sat in a dining hall, you know, not exactly, with people who were loud, and maybe were obnoxious, and that’s a sort of realism…an action that you just don’t really see anywhere else, honestly; it’s something that people want- they don’t know they want it. They want someone who knows everything but at the same time knows just what you’re going through, and those two things are not often found in the world of religion and classical literature, of someone who can recognize what you’re going through, but at the same time not just empathize with you but someone who knows what its all about, what it’s all gonna end up looking like, so it’s a friend and someone who knows the ultimate plan. He’s in the boat with you, but guiding the boat at the same time.

What’s one book you’d recommend to anyone- doesn’t have to be Christian or anything, just a great book?

I’m going to go with my favorite piece of literature outside of scripture, or one of my favorites: The Count of Monte Cristo. Now, The Count of Monte Cristo is not necessarily right away a Christian text, but it’s all about a man who makes a lot of wrong decisions- he’s wrongly convicted and thrown in jail, and he gets out and amasses wealth and he uses it to essentially play God; he seeks vengeance against those who’ve wronged him and he does this in intricate ways to make them feel what he felt. At the very end, though, he realizes that it’s all for nothing- he hasn’t gotten anywhere. God says “vengeance is mine.” It all goes into the story of, however much you get pushed around or how much you don’t get to experience in this world because of other people, God’s the one who ultimately has the last say. It’s a story of failure, but it also is a story of hope- there are a couple of young lovers who end the story quite happily, with his help and he realizes that helping them is has been more fulfilling than all of the vengeance that he’s reaped against his former enemies. So, I would hope that that would encourage us not to play God, not to judge, but to love and to aid where we can, and to try to be a servant rather than a master.

Thanks, man- any parting words?

I suppose I’ll end with “the chief end of man.” This is something that has always been near and dear to me since I was a sophomore in high school and I took a class on it. The Heidelberg Catechism says “the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.” That’s the simplest advice I can give anyone who’s a Christian, and it’s extremely short and simplistic sounding, but it really gets into every aspect of our lives, whether it’s class or our ministry or service, whether it’s our relationships, whether that ends up being marriage or just family, it’s to glorify God and enjoy him forever. It’s to live praising God but also like I was saying from the beginning, concretely enjoying him and living in what he’s given you, and trusting in him to guide and to lead you where he will have you go. And I’m in a place where I don’t know exactly where that is yet, but I am confident that it’s somewhere nice.